Wednesday, 1 June 2016

Reading the Bible - Genesis 30

Last weeks Bible study largely focused on how to sell your daughters as sex slaves. This week, we get some more lessons in the craft of sex slavery, while at the same time getting to see the birth of seven more of the patriarchs of the tribes of Israel.

At this point we need to remember that Leah has given birth to four sons. Naturally, this fact makes Leah's sister Rachel super angry, and as such she makes a rational demand of Jacob
"Give me children or else I will die."
Understandably Jacob was not impressed, and makes the point that he is not God so he cannot just make her pregnant. However, Luckily for Rachel, or is it Jacob, she has a slave that she can give to Jacob as a sex slave so that she may have children with Jacob by proxy.
"So she said: “Here is my slave girl Bilʹhah. Have relations with her in order that she may bear children for me and that through her, I too may have children.”"
Jacob has two children with Bilah, and they are:
Dan - Judge
Naphtali - My wrestlings
Interestingly, Rachel names these children. As such we are left with no doubt that sex slavery, forced surrogacy and baby stealing are all acceptable things to do.

So While Jacob is getting it on with Bilah, we hear that Leah has stopped having children which would imply she became barren, but more on that later. However, not to be outdone by her sister Leah gives her slave to Jacob to have sex with, and so enters Zilpah who summarily has two more children, and they are:
Gad - Good fortune
Asher - Happy

Now as luck would have it, we learn that prostitution is not only acceptable for men, but it is also acceptable for women according to the Bible. In verses 14 to 16, we see that Leah gets given mandrakes by her son Reuben. However, Rachel wants some of the mandrakes, and as such sells sex with Jacob to Leah for the night.
"Then Rachel said to Leʹah: “Give me, please, some of your son’s mandrakes.” .................So Rachel said: “Very well. He will lie down with you tonight in exchange for your son’s mandrakes.”. When Jacob was coming from the field in the evening, Leʹah went out to meet him and said: “It is with me you are going to have relations, because I have hired you outright with my son’s mandrakes.” So he lay down with her that night."
Luckily this night of passion was good enough for Leah. In fact it was so good that she magically becomes fertile again and has two more children on separate occasions. They are,
Issachar - He is wages
Zebulum - Toleration
On a side note, Leah also had a daughter by Jacob called Dinah. Dinah is important later in our Bible study for all the wrong and savage reasons, but lets not get ahead of ourselves. I should also mention that she is the first girl mentioned in the chapter that is not a sex slave of Jacob.

Finally, and thankfully for all her other slave girls, Rachel becomes pregnant and has a son. His name is
Joseph - Increase
It is also finally at this point that Jacob decides it is time to leave his uncle Laban's home and go back to his father and mother. This is justified after all, he has been staying with his uncle for give or take 14 years and 11 babies/4*10 = 17 years.

In conclusion to his time at the home of Laban. For 17 years of work, Jacob now has 11 children with four sex slaves wives. By the way, for those of you that know the tribes of Israel, have no fear the remaining patriarch will enter the narrative at a later stage.

Now we get to a very interesting story, and it has to do with the wages that Laban will pay to Jacob for all his years of work. It is the story of Jacob and Laban and the sheep. Basically, Jacob first says he will take no wages. However, he then he goes on to say, he will take the speckled and spotted sheep that get born from a flock of white sheep. As such, if any spotted sheep come from this flock, it must be attributed to a miracle. We can claim this, as Mendelian genetics tells us that white sheep cannot have spotted offspring when white is the recessive gene. So, what happens?

You guessed right! The sheep that get born to the white flock are spotted, and as such this large spotted flock that arises becomes the property of Jacob. Now while you may consider this utter rubbish, as it contradicts basic genetics, there is an answer. Maybe Jacob was having sex with the sheep.

All jokes aside, this story can only be true if there is a god. As such we can come to one of two conclusions: a) there is a god or b) this is a made up story that goes against scientific knowledge. I know which one I choose. How about you?


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All verses come from the New World Translation Of The Holy Scriptures.
Online version available at the Jehovah's Witnesses official website