Wednesday, 25 May 2016

Reading the Bible - Genesis 29

We left off last week with Jacob making a covenant with Jehovah to look after him. Well today we see that Jehovah was not really holding up his end of the bargain, and so we enter the story that I like to call "Oh dear what a shame for Jacob, all irony intended."

As Jacob travels towards his mothers home he encounters upon some shepherds who are gathering their flocks to water them at a well. Fortuitously he ask them if they happen to know his Uncle Laban, and as is predicted they do know him, but on top of that his daughter Rachel the shepherdess will soon be at the well. Jacob is obviously overjoyed as his journey is close to completion, and it is also at this point that we see what a prat Jacob is as he has no regard for rules. He asks the shepherds why have they not watered their flocks yet, and they reply as follows.
"Then he said: “It is still the middle of the day. It is not the time for gathering the herds. Water the sheep, and then go feed them.” To this they said: “We are not allowed to do so until all the droves are gathered and they roll the stone away from the mouth of the well. Then we water the sheep.”"
So what does this law abiding god fearing respectful man do?
"When Jacob saw Rachel, the daughter of Laʹban his mother’s brother, and the sheep of Laʹban, Jacob immediately approached and rolled the stone away from the mouth of the well and watered the sheep of Laʹban his mother’s brother."
I mean honorable that he feels the need to be so cool to his cousin, but darn why the hell would he feel the need to break rules for a shepherd that clearly also knows the rules.

Rachel then somehow gets the message back to her father that Jacob has arrived, and Jacob gets taken into the house where he stays and works for a month for Uncle Laban. At this time Uncle Laban realizes that perhaps he should at least be paying his nephew for the work he is doing so he brings a proposal to him.
"Laʹban then said to Jacob: “Just because you are my relative, should you serve me for nothing? Tell me, what are your wages to be?”"
somehow I don't think what follows is the answer that was expected somehow.
"Jacob had fallen in love with Rachel, so he said: “I am willing to serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.”"
Regardless Laban decides that his prostitute daughter is worth selling for seven years wages, and so Jacobs starts working for his sex slave.

After seven years Jacob then goes to Laban and demands his sex slave so that he can get down and have some rampant sex
"Then Jacob said to Laʹban: “Give over my wife because my days are up, and let me have relations with her.”"
Now for some reason Laban feels a bit of some type of emotion like guilt but not really, probably greed, but not too much as he decides to hoodwink Jacob and instead of giving his younger daughter Rachel he gives the older Leah.
"With that Laʹban gathered all the men of the place and made a feast.But during the evening, he resorted to taking his daughter Leʹah and bringing her to him that he might have relations with her."
What is astounding is that Jacob does not realize that the sex slave he beds that night is not Rachel, but instead Leah. In fact he only realizes the next morning.
"In the morning Jacob saw that it was Leʹah! So he said to Laʹban: “What have you done to me? Was it not for Rachel that I served you? Why have you tricked me?”"
Now there is only two ways to interpret this, 1) Jacob was for lack of a better word fuck drunk, or 2) he is a liar that needed to get laid and did not really care who was underneath him. Now, I would have guessed that as he was on a mission for Jehovah that he would have not complained and accepted that this was his chosen wife, but then again that would be too simple. So lets see what complications arise next.


"Laʹban said: “It is not our custom here to give the younger woman before the firstborn. Celebrate the week of this woman. After that you will also be given this other woman in exchange for serving me seven more years.”"
So father of the year Laban decides to sell both of his daughters into sexual slavery, but only on the promise that Jacob has a lot of sex with Leah. Needless to say Jacob does this, and then after a week he gets his intended trophy.
"Jacob did so and celebrated the week of this woman, after which he gave him his daughter Rachel as a wife."
What a sick person, I mean sisters, but sisters that are cousins. What does Jehovah endorse, incest? incest polygamy? Just so many questions that my head feels like exploding.

Needless to say we see a reiteration of the barren wife story in Genesis, with Rachel being barren due to Jacob giving more love to her than her sister Leah. As such Leah gets showered with children, and all these children have special names, and they may be names you remember if you have ever read the Bible before. They will become the names of the first four tribes of Israel, and they are;
Reuben - See a son
Simeon - Hearing
Levi - Adherence
Judah - Praised
So finally, we see the formation of the tribes that will become a center point of further studies in the old testament.

So what is the moral of the story today? Have sex with your cousins, but only if you love one more than the other?

Honestly, I gave up  along time ago trying to understand.

All verses come from the New World Translation Of The Holy Scriptures.
Online version available at the Jehovah's Witnesses official website