Monday 3 June 2013

Discrimination as a theist is hazardous to your health

After multiple debates with theists, I think its time for me to become a theist. I mean as a theist its a great way for me to discriminate against any group be it either gender/race/sexuality/religious etc. So first I need to decide what kind of theist I am going to be. I think I will go for Christianity after all I come from a western society so its the one I am most familiar with and can take advantage of.

So here are a list of groups I will from now on discriminate against.
1) Women: Yes that's right, you are inferior to men. The Bible tells me so as you stole my rib and as such you are below me. Actually you are so much lower than me, God even went so far as to explain it in very simple terms. Leviticus 27:3-7
27:3 And thy estimation shall be of the male from twenty years old even unto sixty years old, even thy estimation shall be fifty shekels of silver, after the shekel of the sanctuary.
27:4 And if it be a female, then thy estimation shall be thirty shekels.
27:5 And if it be from five years old even unto twenty years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male twenty shekels, and for the female ten shekels.
27:6 And if it be from a month old even unto five years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male five shekels of silver, and for the female thy estimation shall be three shekels of silver.
27:7 And if it be from sixty years old and above; if it be a male, then thy estimation shall be fifteen shekels, and for the female ten shekels.
So from now on let men earn at least double what women earn at work. This is gods command and if we disobey we will all burn in hell.

2) Homosexuals: Yes why would you want to have love with another person of the same sex. Don't you know it is vile in the eyes of god, he doesn't want you to love anyone but him. Leviticus 20:13
20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
The boy scouts of America, you have sinned in the eyes of god, watch the fire from heaven reign down on your troop meeting halls. God does not even like children for that matter, so you are doubly cursed see the number 3 of groups to hate and discriminate.

3) Children. That's right god hates you too, and as such I will now hate you. I love my god so I have to hate you even if you are all so darn cute. It must be Satan that made you so cute.Exodus 21:15 & 17
21:15 And he that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death.
21:17 And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death

4) Muslims/Jews/Scientologists/Church-of-the-pink-unicorn-who-mates-with-spaghetti-monsters-ists? you are all going to hell. I mean Jesus is never wrong and he said so. John 14:6
14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
 But be happy, it could be worse......actually no that's about as bad as it gets you sinners you.

5) Men with Long hair: I hate you too as pointed out in 1 Corinthians 11:14
11:14 Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?

6) Men with short hair: you all suck too as it says in Numbers 6:5
6:5 All the days of the vow of his separation there shall no razor come upon his head: until the days be fulfilled, in the which he separateth himself unto the LORD, he shall be holy, and shall let the locks of the hair of his head grow.

Hang on wait.....I am a male with short hair, so I can grow it to be in favour with god.....but he doesn't like long hair.....or short hair...or long hair......

The authors head explodes with the stupidity of his self discrimination and all the other hate he has learnt from his loving god.

Please realise I do not endorse any types of discrimination. This is black satire, if you want to categorise it.